Today, I had a hard time boxing up my old clothes because you know, I've spent 21 years not caring of what I wear and it suddenly changes in a day. I may sound like I'm exaggerating but I personally think it is a life changing experience. How can it not be? I'm changing my daily routine to something new and it is not easy. I look at my old self and I have this sadness overcoming me after looking at them. My hair curlers, ( yes I have plenty), my cute dresses. Of course I'll miss my days when I braid my hair and I can pick anything out of my closet to wear just like that, I'll miss curling my hair and styling my fridge and wear short ruffled blouses and easy peasy t-shirt. I'll also miss getting my hair done for dinners and so at the hair salon. Of course I'll miss all that.
But despite all that I will miss, I like the feeling of being covered as well and Im actually glad I finally did. There will come a time in everyone's life when you need to feel responsible about your own self; start taking charge of your life and I think-- no, I KNOW that I'm ready for that responsibility to be a better person and of course to have the balls to stick to it. You think it's easy? Please, I look up to every covered women in this world. It's impressive how you manage to be who you are despite having the chance to reveal but you choose not to. Getting mistreated by people, getting judged just because you are covered and that did not stop you from being who you are. You are strong, stronger than me and I would want to take that challenge and join you lots as well. A challenge that's worth risking. I know how ill- mental people look down on people who are covered. They say these kind of women are not keen enough to work, too close minded, can't speak english, too 'kampung'. Yes it is very common and I would love to change that perception on how our society view women who are covered. That is one of my main goals.
I've also heard that when you're covered, things will eventually change. You'll be a different person, you'll start losing friends. Well in terms of who I am, I'm still me. Im still careless, I talk too much and can be quite bold with my comments sometimes. But I am a changed person for the better as well. I am far from perfect but I try hard to be as good as possible. Coming from an environment where I have been growing up with more non muslim friends than muslims, they have been more supportive than ever. That is why we have friends despite our differences and I love them for that.
If you asked whether if I was ever told to be covered, I would say yes. Of course my parents had ask me questions about it also my friends but they gave me the freedom to think about it on my own rather than forcing me into it. You do it because you are ready, because you respect yourself--not because someone asked you to because there is no sincerity in that.
And I do not look down upon people who are not ready. No, there is no need to force people and there is also no room for hate. Your life decisions are entirely up to you and its between you and your creator--not me. And I also believe that it doesn't make me any better of a person to judge someone who is not ready for that person might have done more good deeds that I'll ever do in my entirely life and I'm only focusing on the exterior so no, it doesn't make me any better.
In other words,
I feel internally better now though Im still getting used to it ( all the shocking faces of relatives and friends, also longer time in picking up matching scarfs and clothes) . But you know as the saying goes, you struggle and you'll be rewarded. I humbly hope that I wont be those people who suddenly or abruptly become very religious after they are covered nor do I want to be someone who is so carefree and think covering up is just by means of covering up. I hope to be myself, but better religiously, mentally and also physically. I have no idea why but the support around me is just too overwhelming. Some cried some congratulate me like I was getting married, friends gave me scarfs as gifts and I am pretty much touched by all of the wishes.
So that's about it. Im still me, but insyaAllah better. So thank you everyone. Thank you so much.